[The meal is good, especially for Marc who doesn't usually do this kind of thing. Delicious even for his efforts, the company, and atmosphere, because they made all the difference between a regular meal and a delicious one for her. She loved to see his efforts in this, it meant more to her than the food being edible did.
There was no hiding her affectionate smile from him as she nods, finishing the last of her potatoes, swallowing and washing it down with the last of her wine before speaking.]
It was great, the salmon was perfect. Thank you for dinner, was there any other plans for tonight?
[Even if there was nothing else, tonight has been wonderful, she's quite happy right now, floating on some wine and good food.]
[Perfect? Really? He doesn't think it was perfect. She must be in a really good mood. Oh god he's about to fuck everything up. Oh god. This was a mistake- Abort- No, no time to be a fucking coward about it. He just has to push through. Here goes.]
No. No plans. I just...
[His entire face scrunches up with discomfort and he considers taking Layla's hand, but isn't sure whether's suitable for the situation or not. Probably not, right? She could break his fingers. Both hands end up ducking below the table instead, folding on his lap. This is probably the moment where Steven's going to start feeling some antsy emotions through their Familiar bond.]
There's somethin' I still had to tell you. All cards on the table. About somethin' that happened here in this place.
[She was in a really good mood, but that quickly starts to change when she sees him hesitate, when his face gives away his discomfort, how he hides his hands, it makes her brace herself because he doesn't get like this often unless he was expecting something negative from her.
As if he was bracing himself for her reaction.
And then he says there's more to tell. What could have possibly happened here that would involve her? But if he's kept it from her.. Her mind races to try and figure out what could have possibly happened.]
Okay.. And what is it? [While she doesn't show it, her emotions calm at the moment, she is glad he's coming to her instead of waiting til she finds out like last time.]
[He's bracing himself, alright. In truth, it's because he has no idea how she'll react to something like this. He's never had eyes for another woman. It's never come up in conversation. It's completely uncharted terrain. ...Well, sort of. But he doubts that her willingness to kiss Steven is a good metric for how she views infidelity.
He swallows thickly, hands squeezing into each other below the table.]
It's uh... I dunno, has anyone ever told you about the lightnin' trials? [That's probably a good place to start. With how that fucking trial even works.]
[She feels like he's stalling, which puts her on edge. He's obviously wary of her reaction, yet he also wasn't wary enough to not mind her being armed with sharp objects. Surely it can't be anything too bad, did he tell other people about her secrets or something?
Yeah that would piss her off, her business wasn't his to tell other people, but not enough for this.. Her mind still whirls for what it was that he's expecting her to react so badly.
Shaking her head, she looks at him, her myth emotion control kicking in to keep her calm, while she roils with anxiety inside.]
No, I.. no one has mentioned the lightning trials to me. [A pause.] Marc, what happened?
[God. He can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing that he has to explain this himself. On the one hand, it means he can space the information out a little and try to cushion it. He has control. But on the other hand, it means he has to explain it. His nose crinkles lightly, while his brow furrows heavily.]
Okay, so... There was no hidin' from this trial. 'Cause most of us got teleported straight into the damned desert, and you can't get to any shelter out there. Just stuck in the middle of nowhere with lightnin' overhead. And if you got struck, you uh... [HMMM-] I mean, it differed per person. Steven got struck by it too, but he didn't have it as bad. He just wanted to hold hands. Get some hugs in. 'Cause that's what the lightning does. It fucks with your head and makes you want... [Amazing. He had several weeks to prepare for this, and now he's completely forgotten the words he thought would fit the explanation best. He's running a blank, so he ends with a meek little:] physical stuff.
[And she listens, even if the explanation is rambling and bumbling, seeming to skirt around the issue. Whatever it is that happened is something he can't bring himself to say, but by the end of it, she thinks she can sus it out.
Because if hand holding and hugs were "not as bad" then-- Yep it all clicks in place. The dinner, the way he's bracing himself, what he could have done here without her that was so bad, what this terrible explanation is leading.
She closes her eyes against it as inside she is a mix of things. Anger, sadness, betrayal, hurt...]
Who? Do I know the person you-- [Her voice breaks against the emotion that finally breaks out: Anger.] what.. had sex with? Cheated on me with? You make it sound like you were... compelled or something.
[He recognizes the expression on her face as it all sinks in, so he's quick to look away from it. He can't hide from what's happening to her voice, though. She's furious. And the C word... Cheated. That's like a knife to the chest for him. It wasn't like cheating, because he didn't really have a choice in the matter. But it wasn't exactly non-consensual either, and he doesn't know how to explain that.
In the end, he's just desperately trying to keep his head above the proverbial water in this conversation. Emphasis on desperate.]
I- Well, yeah! I wasn't in my right mind, that's for sure. 'Cause all I could think about was gettin' relief. It hurt...! I wish I coulda gotten away with just some hand holding, but I wasn't that lucky.
What is this some bad porno plot pon farr shit? You had to fuck someone or suffer?
[She can feel tears prickle her eyes some but she is quick to push back against that and continue to channel it into anger. Now what she knows his past, she's doing her best not to yell, to not trigger him with sudden moves or violent actions, but she is mad and there is no hiding that from her voice.]
Jesus Marc, did... did you plan this from the start tonight? Was this all to try and soften the blow or something? [Taking a deep breath, she tempers her voice from rising too, but it was hard.]
[There's a very instinctive emotion roiling around inside him right now. Something that makes him feel cornered and disgusting. And afraid. Not afraid of Layla herself, but afraid of losing her. Afraid she's finally going to realize he is beyond help, beyond love, beyond even basic decency.
He can't hide from it. He can't do anything defensive. So his hackles go up instead.]
No! God- I just wanted you to have a nice dinner for once! But I still had to tell you! I was always gonna tell you!
[She gives him an absolutely piercing look, assessing him for any lies, trying to figure out if this was some plan all along. She can't really find anything, but his hackles are up and she can tell that much. Defensive.
Layla grits her teeth against the anger that she feels. Against the betrayed feeling that she always trusted him never to cheat on her.]
Look, I'm livid, but I'm not mad you told me.. I just.. I--
[Part of her wants to ask about the details. Was a handy enough? Or did he go all the way? Was it something that happened more than once? Did her arrival put a wrench in their love affair?
[She's right to be angry. He knows that, and he was expecting it. Even with that, he feels overwhelmed by it, and rubbed the wrong way by her question. Does she not get that it was a trial? Does she not get that he wanted it to be her? But she wasn't there, so that wasn't an option.
When he responds, his tone of voice is incredulous. And yes, still defensive, because now she's basically asking him whether he committed adultery with a clear head. On more than one occasion. What the fuck-]
I don't know, maybe because the flood gate was opened and I wasn't here and-- Nothing was stopping you but you! But that wasn't enough to stop you in the first place.
[It was a logical question to her. Nothing was here to stop him but himself and right now she doesn't feel like she can trust him, like she can believe him. God, she wants to, she really really wants to, but it feels like there is always one thing after another after another. What's next, he had a kid with the person he slept with too?
She makes a deeply frustrated noise, tears breaking from her eyes as she moves to stand up and take a few steps away to look away from him.]
[He's about to argue, about to insist that there was nothing to flood, and nothing to stop, because he isn't interested in Cobb in that way. No one could compare to Layla. But that last accusation just steals the words away from him, like a slap to the face. Or more like a punch to the gut, knocking the air right out of his lungs.
A whirlpool of emotions is swirling. He's angry, because that's not a fair thing to say. He's horrified, because she's just not getting it. He's hurt that Layla could even think that about him in the first place. And then he realizes this isn't the first time. Back in Steven's apartment, she accused him of the same thing. 'Living with someone else'. As if he could ever! He'd rather just die alone. And maybe he should.
He pushes his chair away from the table with a rough, sudden movement. The legs scrape over the floor. And then he stands, glaring her way.]
Oh, that's cute! That's real cute! There wasn't enough to stop you from kissing Steven either, huh?
Oh no, don't you even dare! [She whirls around at that, pointing at Marc with a finger, her voice rising some finally. She tries to temper it down, but he was going to throw that in her face? How fucking dare this man even think about doing this when she is trying to understand how this all works. He's not at all explained it well, yet she is just supposed to understand? What forgive him?]
First of all! Steven kissed me. Second, you two were in the same body at the time, he's a part of you! He looked like you, smelled like the man I love... and I just.. [Her voice cracks as she tries to ignore the angry tears, tries to ignore the pain--]
And! You were the one trying divorce me! Push me away! You were not acting at all like you wanted to stay married at the time! You're really going to-- [SHe bites back anything else, not wanting to say anything she would regret.]
[Most of what Layla's arguing, he doesn't acknowledge. He barely hears it, because he's still stuck on the very first things she said. Both of his hands settled down on the table- not quite with a slam, but it's a harsh settling all the same.]
Steven's not me! Alright?! I don't care if we were sharin' a body back then! Steven's a different person! [A better person. Someone Marc can't compete with, because Steven knows about poetry. And hieroglyphs. And Steven would never lie to someone for years on end. If it's between him and Steven, Steven would win and Marc would lose everything. It's that simple.]
I didn't have a choice, okay? There was no option to keep it in my pants and walk away!
[She wants to argue that she knows Steven isn't him, that they are different people, that she knows that, but it was still enough of a new concept then that she was confused, that she missed her husband, that she was hurting, but Steven wasn't hurting her.. Not like Marc was. Marc who didn't want her at the time it felt like.
Marc who was pushing her away and trying to divorce her because his secrets and misplaced protectiveness was more important. Because he couldn't trust her.
But he says the choice thing again and she just--
She tries to take a calming breath, tries not to keep her emotions in check because that just sounds like an excuse to her. Someone who's not gone through the trials, who doesn't know just how completely the fox steals away free will, she doesn't understand.]
Then explain it to me! I don't... I'm confused how you were forced to sleep with someone, because that sounds like a shitty excuse.
[He shakes his head harshly. His mind is reeling. He's already tried to explain it, and he doesn't know how else to say it, because that whole thing was stupid to begin with. Just an absolutely shitty thing for the Fox to spring on people. He hated it, and he hated how desperate it made him for something so meaningless.]
It's not an excuse! Why the fuck would I be lookin' for an excuse for somethin' I didn't even want to do? It was a trial! You get zapped by lightning, you need to have sex. That's it- that's how it worked! Ask anybody!
[She makes a frustrated noise and looks away from him, hands coming up to her face as she wipes at angry tears because she doesn't hear a lie in what he's saying but she doesn't get it. She doesn't know how else to understand it, but she's trying to. It's taking all her effort to not get more upset again, to try and believe what he's saying, to take it at face value, but in reality, she's never known something to take away will like that, to make someone want something...]
Fine. I will then. [She pulls out her Relic and opens it, starting to type up a message for the whole of Folkmore to weigh in on, because right now she just doesn't understand it and Marc is doing a poor job of explaining it.]
Hopefully someone can explain this better than you are.
[DAMMIT- He didn't mean ask anybody now! He is confident in his stance that anyone else from Folkmore who's experienced it will support his version of events. There's a reason warnings about fuck lightning were being spread before Marc ever even got hit by it. It's got its own little corner of notoriety. Still, to derail the conversation and ask about it now... Fine. It's fine. He'll be proven right. No biggie. Not at all a problem. Nope.
He pulls away from the table with a loud sniff, then turns to head into the living area.]
Good. Lemme know when you've got someone else to explain 'fuck lightning' in more eloquent words.
[Once he's near the couch, he doesn't stop walking. He just keeps going, opens the balcony door and steps outside. He needs some fresh air. He needs to just sit here and stew, and calm the fuck down, because he just knows that all his hurt and frustration is affecting Steven.]
I will. [She pauses and makes the post anonymous, not for her sake really, it's an innocent enough question from someone new, but for Marc's because there are people that know they are married and might put two and two together. He's a private man and she doesn't want to break his confidence anymore than she already has.
Taking a seat in the livingroom, she breathes through her anger, her upset and reads the replies she gets, reads what is said. One answer is less eloquent than the other, but there is one that is very informative and helps her understand better. So it wasn't an excuse or something done really by choice, it was a compelling force. Both people say she is justified in being hurt but shouldn't blame him for what happened.
Part of her still thinks it sounds wild, but other people know, one person recounting their experience for her.
Layla sighs, she's still hurt, still mad, but it feels like the wind has been taken out of her sails. It's probably a good thing she derailed the conversation like this, gave them both ten minutes to calm down, to get information that is better put than anything Marc was offering. She's tired more than anything now.
Looking towards the balcony, Layla sees the man's silhouette out there still, at least Marc didn't leave. The door is still open to out there, so she just speaks up from where she's at.]
I think I understand now.. I know it wasn't your choice to do it.
[It would've been easy enough for Marc to grab his own relic and check on the message that just went up. To see just how much Layla said- or didn't say- and how many other people are still entertaining bad memories of the lightning. He's not sure he wants to see that, though. If it rubs him the wrong way, it'll just sour his mood further, so he can't risk it. He's just going to have to trust that nobody's saying anything weird, or telling Layla it was his fault.
He spends the first two minutes pacing up and down the little balcony, then finally drops himself in the chair near the window. Breathe in, breathe out... Don't freak out..... Before he knows it, Layla's calling out to him from inside the apartment.]
No, it wasn't. [And he's pretty sure he already made that clear, but the entire conversation is a blur now. He can't remember what he said anymore.]
[She sighs heavily, hearing that he's still upset. Honestly, she is too, but they need to talk this over and it doesn't seem he's coming back inside eventhough she basically called out to him. Standing up from where she was seated, she feels exhausted and distressed, like her life is falling apart and she is trying to put things back together but her hands are too weak. She was still trying to be okay with her Father's death, still trying to be okay with all the secrets and lies and then this..
Could they even make it passed this? He didn't do it intentionally, but it still hurt, it still felt like a betrayal.
Walking over to the door to the balcony, she leans against the jamb.]
I kept the post anonymous -- just asked for information, I.. can we talk inside?
[There's a long moment of silence where he looks up towards the sky, where Epiphany's typical gray clouds are gathering. It might rain again soon. That could make the feelings even worse. For now, the air feels nice, though. Pleasant against his bare skin.
But yeah. Talking about this outside on the balcony is probably not a good idea. Any neighbor could hear. So he pushes himself to his feet and all but slouches over to the door. He's got some trouble meeting Layla's gaze. Even if she doesn't sound as angry anymore, this whole thing is still painful. His arm raises in a silent 'lead the way' sort of gesture.]
[With a nod, she leads the way, stepping away from the door and over to the chair. Normally, she might sit on the couch where they can touch, but right now she doesn't feel like being touched so she sits in the chair in the living space, leaving him with the couch, if he wants to sit.
She doesn't know what to say, but leaving this in silence is too much, they need to talk it out.]
I don't think you cheated anymore, I get.. that it wasn't something you chose to do or wanted to do to us and I know--... I believe you when you say it was just the once.
[A pause.]
That doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt... It makes it harder to deal with, because I don't-- I don't know. [Because she doesn't know how to feel about it, she just feels hurt and lost and--.. She's upset and so hurt, but she understands now she can't really be mad at Marc, it wasn't something he did intentionally. But where does she direct this upset at now?]
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There was no hiding her affectionate smile from him as she nods, finishing the last of her potatoes, swallowing and washing it down with the last of her wine before speaking.]
It was great, the salmon was perfect. Thank you for dinner, was there any other plans for tonight?
[Even if there was nothing else, tonight has been wonderful, she's quite happy right now, floating on some wine and good food.]
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No. No plans. I just...
[His entire face scrunches up with discomfort and he considers taking Layla's hand, but isn't sure whether's suitable for the situation or not. Probably not, right? She could break his fingers. Both hands end up ducking below the table instead, folding on his lap. This is probably the moment where Steven's going to start feeling some antsy emotions through their Familiar bond.]
There's somethin' I still had to tell you. All cards on the table. About somethin' that happened here in this place.
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As if he was bracing himself for her reaction.
And then he says there's more to tell. What could have possibly happened here that would involve her? But if he's kept it from her.. Her mind races to try and figure out what could have possibly happened.]
Okay.. And what is it? [While she doesn't show it, her emotions calm at the moment, she is glad he's coming to her instead of waiting til she finds out like last time.]
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He swallows thickly, hands squeezing into each other below the table.]
It's uh... I dunno, has anyone ever told you about the lightnin' trials? [That's probably a good place to start. With how that fucking trial even works.]
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Yeah that would piss her off, her business wasn't his to tell other people, but not enough for this.. Her mind still whirls for what it was that he's expecting her to react so badly.
Shaking her head, she looks at him, her myth emotion control kicking in to keep her calm, while she roils with anxiety inside.]
No, I.. no one has mentioned the lightning trials to me. [A pause.] Marc, what happened?
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Okay, so... There was no hidin' from this trial. 'Cause most of us got teleported straight into the damned desert, and you can't get to any shelter out there. Just stuck in the middle of nowhere with lightnin' overhead. And if you got struck, you uh... [HMMM-] I mean, it differed per person. Steven got struck by it too, but he didn't have it as bad. He just wanted to hold hands. Get some hugs in. 'Cause that's what the lightning does. It fucks with your head and makes you want... [Amazing. He had several weeks to prepare for this, and now he's completely forgotten the words he thought would fit the explanation best. He's running a blank, so he ends with a meek little:] physical stuff.
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Because if hand holding and hugs were "not as bad" then-- Yep it all clicks in place. The dinner, the way he's bracing himself, what he could have done here without her that was so bad, what this terrible explanation is leading.
She closes her eyes against it as inside she is a mix of things. Anger, sadness, betrayal, hurt...]
Who? Do I know the person you-- [Her voice breaks against the emotion that finally breaks out: Anger.] what.. had sex with? Cheated on me with? You make it sound like you were... compelled or something.
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In the end, he's just desperately trying to keep his head above the proverbial water in this conversation. Emphasis on desperate.]
I- Well, yeah! I wasn't in my right mind, that's for sure. 'Cause all I could think about was gettin' relief. It hurt...! I wish I coulda gotten away with just some hand holding, but I wasn't that lucky.
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[She can feel tears prickle her eyes some but she is quick to push back against that and continue to channel it into anger. Now what she knows his past, she's doing her best not to yell, to not trigger him with sudden moves or violent actions, but she is mad and there is no hiding that from her voice.]
Jesus Marc, did... did you plan this from the start tonight? Was this all to try and soften the blow or something? [Taking a deep breath, she tempers her voice from rising too, but it was hard.]
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He can't hide from it. He can't do anything defensive. So his hackles go up instead.]
No! God- I just wanted you to have a nice dinner for once! But I still had to tell you! I was always gonna tell you!
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Layla grits her teeth against the anger that she feels. Against the betrayed feeling that she always trusted him never to cheat on her.]
Look, I'm livid, but I'm not mad you told me.. I just.. I--
[Part of her wants to ask about the details. Was a handy enough? Or did he go all the way? Was it something that happened more than once? Did her arrival put a wrench in their love affair?
Actually--]
Was it just the once or did this continue?
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When he responds, his tone of voice is incredulous. And yes, still defensive, because now she's basically asking him whether he committed adultery with a clear head. On more than one occasion. What the fuck-]
Just the once! Why would I let it keep goin'?
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[It was a logical question to her. Nothing was here to stop him but himself and right now she doesn't feel like she can trust him, like she can believe him. God, she wants to, she really really wants to, but it feels like there is always one thing after another after another. What's next, he had a kid with the person he slept with too?
She makes a deeply frustrated noise, tears breaking from her eyes as she moves to stand up and take a few steps away to look away from him.]
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A whirlpool of emotions is swirling. He's angry, because that's not a fair thing to say. He's horrified, because she's just not getting it. He's hurt that Layla could even think that about him in the first place. And then he realizes this isn't the first time. Back in Steven's apartment, she accused him of the same thing. 'Living with someone else'. As if he could ever! He'd rather just die alone. And maybe he should.
He pushes his chair away from the table with a rough, sudden movement. The legs scrape over the floor. And then he stands, glaring her way.]
Oh, that's cute! That's real cute! There wasn't enough to stop you from kissing Steven either, huh?
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First of all! Steven kissed me. Second, you two were in the same body at the time, he's a part of you! He looked like you, smelled like the man I love... and I just.. [Her voice cracks as she tries to ignore the angry tears, tries to ignore the pain--]
And! You were the one trying divorce me! Push me away! You were not acting at all like you wanted to stay married at the time! You're really going to-- [SHe bites back anything else, not wanting to say anything she would regret.]
I didn't sleep with someone else.
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Steven's not me! Alright?! I don't care if we were sharin' a body back then! Steven's a different person! [A better person. Someone Marc can't compete with, because Steven knows about poetry. And hieroglyphs. And Steven would never lie to someone for years on end. If it's between him and Steven, Steven would win and Marc would lose everything. It's that simple.]
I didn't have a choice, okay? There was no option to keep it in my pants and walk away!
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Marc who was pushing her away and trying to divorce her because his secrets and misplaced protectiveness was more important. Because he couldn't trust her.
But he says the choice thing again and she just--
She tries to take a calming breath, tries not to keep her emotions in check because that just sounds like an excuse to her. Someone who's not gone through the trials, who doesn't know just how completely the fox steals away free will, she doesn't understand.]
Then explain it to me! I don't... I'm confused how you were forced to sleep with someone, because that sounds like a shitty excuse.
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It's not an excuse! Why the fuck would I be lookin' for an excuse for somethin' I didn't even want to do? It was a trial! You get zapped by lightning, you need to have sex. That's it- that's how it worked! Ask anybody!
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Fine. I will then. [She pulls out her Relic and opens it, starting to type up a message for the whole of Folkmore to weigh in on, because right now she just doesn't understand it and Marc is doing a poor job of explaining it.]
Hopefully someone can explain this better than you are.
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He pulls away from the table with a loud sniff, then turns to head into the living area.]
Good. Lemme know when you've got someone else to explain 'fuck lightning' in more eloquent words.
[Once he's near the couch, he doesn't stop walking. He just keeps going, opens the balcony door and steps outside. He needs some fresh air. He needs to just sit here and stew, and calm the fuck down, because he just knows that all his hurt and frustration is affecting Steven.]
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Taking a seat in the livingroom, she breathes through her anger, her upset and reads the replies she gets, reads what is said. One answer is less eloquent than the other, but there is one that is very informative and helps her understand better. So it wasn't an excuse or something done really by choice, it was a compelling force. Both people say she is justified in being hurt but shouldn't blame him for what happened.
Part of her still thinks it sounds wild, but other people know, one person recounting their experience for her.
Layla sighs, she's still hurt, still mad, but it feels like the wind has been taken out of her sails. It's probably a good thing she derailed the conversation like this, gave them both ten minutes to calm down, to get information that is better put than anything Marc was offering. She's tired more than anything now.
Looking towards the balcony, Layla sees the man's silhouette out there still, at least Marc didn't leave. The door is still open to out there, so she just speaks up from where she's at.]
I think I understand now.. I know it wasn't your choice to do it.
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He spends the first two minutes pacing up and down the little balcony, then finally drops himself in the chair near the window. Breathe in, breathe out... Don't freak out..... Before he knows it, Layla's calling out to him from inside the apartment.]
No, it wasn't. [And he's pretty sure he already made that clear, but the entire conversation is a blur now. He can't remember what he said anymore.]
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Could they even make it passed this? He didn't do it intentionally, but it still hurt, it still felt like a betrayal.
Walking over to the door to the balcony, she leans against the jamb.]
I kept the post anonymous -- just asked for information, I.. can we talk inside?
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But yeah. Talking about this outside on the balcony is probably not a good idea. Any neighbor could hear. So he pushes himself to his feet and all but slouches over to the door. He's got some trouble meeting Layla's gaze. Even if she doesn't sound as angry anymore, this whole thing is still painful. His arm raises in a silent 'lead the way' sort of gesture.]
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She doesn't know what to say, but leaving this in silence is too much, they need to talk it out.]
I don't think you cheated anymore, I get.. that it wasn't something you chose to do or wanted to do to us and I know--... I believe you when you say it was just the once.
[A pause.]
That doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt... It makes it harder to deal with, because I don't-- I don't know. [Because she doesn't know how to feel about it, she just feels hurt and lost and--.. She's upset and so hurt, but she understands now she can't really be mad at Marc, it wasn't something he did intentionally. But where does she direct this upset at now?]
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