What is this some bad porno plot pon farr shit? You had to fuck someone or suffer?
[She can feel tears prickle her eyes some but she is quick to push back against that and continue to channel it into anger. Now what she knows his past, she's doing her best not to yell, to not trigger him with sudden moves or violent actions, but she is mad and there is no hiding that from her voice.]
Jesus Marc, did... did you plan this from the start tonight? Was this all to try and soften the blow or something? [Taking a deep breath, she tempers her voice from rising too, but it was hard.]
[There's a very instinctive emotion roiling around inside him right now. Something that makes him feel cornered and disgusting. And afraid. Not afraid of Layla herself, but afraid of losing her. Afraid she's finally going to realize he is beyond help, beyond love, beyond even basic decency.
He can't hide from it. He can't do anything defensive. So his hackles go up instead.]
No! God- I just wanted you to have a nice dinner for once! But I still had to tell you! I was always gonna tell you!
[She gives him an absolutely piercing look, assessing him for any lies, trying to figure out if this was some plan all along. She can't really find anything, but his hackles are up and she can tell that much. Defensive.
Layla grits her teeth against the anger that she feels. Against the betrayed feeling that she always trusted him never to cheat on her.]
Look, I'm livid, but I'm not mad you told me.. I just.. I--
[Part of her wants to ask about the details. Was a handy enough? Or did he go all the way? Was it something that happened more than once? Did her arrival put a wrench in their love affair?
[She's right to be angry. He knows that, and he was expecting it. Even with that, he feels overwhelmed by it, and rubbed the wrong way by her question. Does she not get that it was a trial? Does she not get that he wanted it to be her? But she wasn't there, so that wasn't an option.
When he responds, his tone of voice is incredulous. And yes, still defensive, because now she's basically asking him whether he committed adultery with a clear head. On more than one occasion. What the fuck-]
I don't know, maybe because the flood gate was opened and I wasn't here and-- Nothing was stopping you but you! But that wasn't enough to stop you in the first place.
[It was a logical question to her. Nothing was here to stop him but himself and right now she doesn't feel like she can trust him, like she can believe him. God, she wants to, she really really wants to, but it feels like there is always one thing after another after another. What's next, he had a kid with the person he slept with too?
She makes a deeply frustrated noise, tears breaking from her eyes as she moves to stand up and take a few steps away to look away from him.]
[He's about to argue, about to insist that there was nothing to flood, and nothing to stop, because he isn't interested in Cobb in that way. No one could compare to Layla. But that last accusation just steals the words away from him, like a slap to the face. Or more like a punch to the gut, knocking the air right out of his lungs.
A whirlpool of emotions is swirling. He's angry, because that's not a fair thing to say. He's horrified, because she's just not getting it. He's hurt that Layla could even think that about him in the first place. And then he realizes this isn't the first time. Back in Steven's apartment, she accused him of the same thing. 'Living with someone else'. As if he could ever! He'd rather just die alone. And maybe he should.
He pushes his chair away from the table with a rough, sudden movement. The legs scrape over the floor. And then he stands, glaring her way.]
Oh, that's cute! That's real cute! There wasn't enough to stop you from kissing Steven either, huh?
Oh no, don't you even dare! [She whirls around at that, pointing at Marc with a finger, her voice rising some finally. She tries to temper it down, but he was going to throw that in her face? How fucking dare this man even think about doing this when she is trying to understand how this all works. He's not at all explained it well, yet she is just supposed to understand? What forgive him?]
First of all! Steven kissed me. Second, you two were in the same body at the time, he's a part of you! He looked like you, smelled like the man I love... and I just.. [Her voice cracks as she tries to ignore the angry tears, tries to ignore the pain--]
And! You were the one trying divorce me! Push me away! You were not acting at all like you wanted to stay married at the time! You're really going to-- [SHe bites back anything else, not wanting to say anything she would regret.]
[Most of what Layla's arguing, he doesn't acknowledge. He barely hears it, because he's still stuck on the very first things she said. Both of his hands settled down on the table- not quite with a slam, but it's a harsh settling all the same.]
Steven's not me! Alright?! I don't care if we were sharin' a body back then! Steven's a different person! [A better person. Someone Marc can't compete with, because Steven knows about poetry. And hieroglyphs. And Steven would never lie to someone for years on end. If it's between him and Steven, Steven would win and Marc would lose everything. It's that simple.]
I didn't have a choice, okay? There was no option to keep it in my pants and walk away!
[She wants to argue that she knows Steven isn't him, that they are different people, that she knows that, but it was still enough of a new concept then that she was confused, that she missed her husband, that she was hurting, but Steven wasn't hurting her.. Not like Marc was. Marc who didn't want her at the time it felt like.
Marc who was pushing her away and trying to divorce her because his secrets and misplaced protectiveness was more important. Because he couldn't trust her.
But he says the choice thing again and she just--
She tries to take a calming breath, tries not to keep her emotions in check because that just sounds like an excuse to her. Someone who's not gone through the trials, who doesn't know just how completely the fox steals away free will, she doesn't understand.]
Then explain it to me! I don't... I'm confused how you were forced to sleep with someone, because that sounds like a shitty excuse.
[He shakes his head harshly. His mind is reeling. He's already tried to explain it, and he doesn't know how else to say it, because that whole thing was stupid to begin with. Just an absolutely shitty thing for the Fox to spring on people. He hated it, and he hated how desperate it made him for something so meaningless.]
It's not an excuse! Why the fuck would I be lookin' for an excuse for somethin' I didn't even want to do? It was a trial! You get zapped by lightning, you need to have sex. That's it- that's how it worked! Ask anybody!
[She makes a frustrated noise and looks away from him, hands coming up to her face as she wipes at angry tears because she doesn't hear a lie in what he's saying but she doesn't get it. She doesn't know how else to understand it, but she's trying to. It's taking all her effort to not get more upset again, to try and believe what he's saying, to take it at face value, but in reality, she's never known something to take away will like that, to make someone want something...]
Fine. I will then. [She pulls out her Relic and opens it, starting to type up a message for the whole of Folkmore to weigh in on, because right now she just doesn't understand it and Marc is doing a poor job of explaining it.]
Hopefully someone can explain this better than you are.
[DAMMIT- He didn't mean ask anybody now! He is confident in his stance that anyone else from Folkmore who's experienced it will support his version of events. There's a reason warnings about fuck lightning were being spread before Marc ever even got hit by it. It's got its own little corner of notoriety. Still, to derail the conversation and ask about it now... Fine. It's fine. He'll be proven right. No biggie. Not at all a problem. Nope.
He pulls away from the table with a loud sniff, then turns to head into the living area.]
Good. Lemme know when you've got someone else to explain 'fuck lightning' in more eloquent words.
[Once he's near the couch, he doesn't stop walking. He just keeps going, opens the balcony door and steps outside. He needs some fresh air. He needs to just sit here and stew, and calm the fuck down, because he just knows that all his hurt and frustration is affecting Steven.]
I will. [She pauses and makes the post anonymous, not for her sake really, it's an innocent enough question from someone new, but for Marc's because there are people that know they are married and might put two and two together. He's a private man and she doesn't want to break his confidence anymore than she already has.
Taking a seat in the livingroom, she breathes through her anger, her upset and reads the replies she gets, reads what is said. One answer is less eloquent than the other, but there is one that is very informative and helps her understand better. So it wasn't an excuse or something done really by choice, it was a compelling force. Both people say she is justified in being hurt but shouldn't blame him for what happened.
Part of her still thinks it sounds wild, but other people know, one person recounting their experience for her.
Layla sighs, she's still hurt, still mad, but it feels like the wind has been taken out of her sails. It's probably a good thing she derailed the conversation like this, gave them both ten minutes to calm down, to get information that is better put than anything Marc was offering. She's tired more than anything now.
Looking towards the balcony, Layla sees the man's silhouette out there still, at least Marc didn't leave. The door is still open to out there, so she just speaks up from where she's at.]
I think I understand now.. I know it wasn't your choice to do it.
[It would've been easy enough for Marc to grab his own relic and check on the message that just went up. To see just how much Layla said- or didn't say- and how many other people are still entertaining bad memories of the lightning. He's not sure he wants to see that, though. If it rubs him the wrong way, it'll just sour his mood further, so he can't risk it. He's just going to have to trust that nobody's saying anything weird, or telling Layla it was his fault.
He spends the first two minutes pacing up and down the little balcony, then finally drops himself in the chair near the window. Breathe in, breathe out... Don't freak out..... Before he knows it, Layla's calling out to him from inside the apartment.]
No, it wasn't. [And he's pretty sure he already made that clear, but the entire conversation is a blur now. He can't remember what he said anymore.]
[She sighs heavily, hearing that he's still upset. Honestly, she is too, but they need to talk this over and it doesn't seem he's coming back inside eventhough she basically called out to him. Standing up from where she was seated, she feels exhausted and distressed, like her life is falling apart and she is trying to put things back together but her hands are too weak. She was still trying to be okay with her Father's death, still trying to be okay with all the secrets and lies and then this..
Could they even make it passed this? He didn't do it intentionally, but it still hurt, it still felt like a betrayal.
Walking over to the door to the balcony, she leans against the jamb.]
I kept the post anonymous -- just asked for information, I.. can we talk inside?
[There's a long moment of silence where he looks up towards the sky, where Epiphany's typical gray clouds are gathering. It might rain again soon. That could make the feelings even worse. For now, the air feels nice, though. Pleasant against his bare skin.
But yeah. Talking about this outside on the balcony is probably not a good idea. Any neighbor could hear. So he pushes himself to his feet and all but slouches over to the door. He's got some trouble meeting Layla's gaze. Even if she doesn't sound as angry anymore, this whole thing is still painful. His arm raises in a silent 'lead the way' sort of gesture.]
[With a nod, she leads the way, stepping away from the door and over to the chair. Normally, she might sit on the couch where they can touch, but right now she doesn't feel like being touched so she sits in the chair in the living space, leaving him with the couch, if he wants to sit.
She doesn't know what to say, but leaving this in silence is too much, they need to talk it out.]
I don't think you cheated anymore, I get.. that it wasn't something you chose to do or wanted to do to us and I know--... I believe you when you say it was just the once.
[A pause.]
That doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt... It makes it harder to deal with, because I don't-- I don't know. [Because she doesn't know how to feel about it, she just feels hurt and lost and--.. She's upset and so hurt, but she understands now she can't really be mad at Marc, it wasn't something he did intentionally. But where does she direct this upset at now?]
[Marc wanders over to the couch, but doesn't immediately sit. There's this instinct telling him that maybe he should stand, just in case he needs to leave again. Running is easier when you're already on your feet. He shouldn't be running though, he knows that. So ultimately, he does sit, hands folded together atop his legs.]
... Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's... It sucks. There's been a couple shitty trials, but that was the worst one.
[Almost dying in the desert, he can handle. That's nothing new to him. Story of his life. But that stupid lightning- he can't get that out of his head. It just keeps on rattling around in there, and not in a good way.]
[It's a little consolation that he finds the trial that made him have sex with someone the worst one, it reassures her some. He's suffering too, she understands that now. This wasn't some pleasant memory of getting his rocks off for the first time in months, there are so many men that would feel that way, but Marc..
She heaves a heavy sigh.]
I'm sorry for getting so upset and jumping to conclusions.. [Apologizing was hard for her, but he deserves that much.] I just... I'm new here, I didn't... I don't get how much stuff can happen against your will here.
[She rests her elbows on her knees and hides her face in her hands, just holding there.]
I would like to know who. I just.. I know it's not their fault, they were helping you but.. [It bothers her that she might talk to them without knowing, might become friends with them..] Do they know about me? Us?
[She's apologizing, and that should make him feel better, but... It doesn't. It just makes him feel worse, because she couldn't know how bad that fuck lightning thing was without living through it. And she should be upset if the mistaken take-away is that Marc cheated on her. She was right to be angry, but boy did it sting.
His hands squeeze into one another, and his right thumb rubs along his left index finger. This is another tricky question, but he'd already warned Cobb he would tell Layla everything, so... No holding back.]
Yeah, he knows. I told him. But not till after it already happened, 'cause it never came up before then. [...] It was Cobb.
[That shouldn't surprise her, but he does. She never thought of Marc as bisexual, but if he is that makes no difference to her. Maybe it was the fuck lightning that made it like that, but either way, it doesn't make a difference. Male or female or nonbinary, it's still someone outside their marriage and it still stings harshly.
Especially since she enjoyed the man's company just the other night.]
I met him the other night.. seemed nice. Not surprised he helped you..
[Her tone is a little flat, a lot hurt. It puts a face on it, but it doesn't give her anything to be upset at, with. It would be a lie to say she was anything but distraught right now. She's still so mad, so upset, but Marc doesn't deserve that anger and she has nothing to take it out on.
It makes her want to run away, just like when she was mad about her dad's murder and had nothing and no one to take it out on so she ran from Cairo. Ran until she found Marc's arms... but now she can't even run into those.]
[Marc didn't think of Marc as bisexual. Even now, after all that, he still doesn't. In the heat of the moment, Cobb looked attractive and desirable and all those things that could get a person riled up. Afterwards, he looked... Well, still attractive in the universal sense, but not attractive to Marc. Other people would be lucky to have him.
He draws in a deep breath, then finally looks up at her again.]
Let it sink in, I guess...? I dunno what else there is to do.
[Because he doesn't expect her to act as if this never happened. Even though the choice was taken away from him, that's not how this works.]
[She guesses that's about all she can do. Let it sink in, try to find an outlet for her emotions. Because she wants to be mad at Marc but can't be. He's not at fault here, not really. There wasn't much to say at this point. What more was there to say?
Still hiding her face in her hands, she takes a shuddery breath as she just finds herself tearing up again. Finds herself on the verge of crying once more. This pain and anger was excruciating and she had nowhere to outlet it. She's mad at the fox but that's like when she was mad at God for taking away her father, it felt useless. She felt useless.]
Yeah.. I think, I'll take a shower and go to bed. [A pause.] I do.. appreciate you being honest with me. [It would have ruined their marriage completely for her to learn it any other way.]
I don't hate you or want a divorce, but I need time.. and space.
[Marc nods his head vaguely. It's not like Layla hadn't already been taking time to process all the other shit that he's dumped on her recently. Now it's just going to take even longer, he supposes. Or maybe she'll never work through it. Hell if he knows. This is why he thinks she could do better- because all he does is make her miserable, whether it's through conscious decisions or just really rotten luck.]
Yeah, okay. Sure. [A pause, and then:] For what it's worth, I did mean it. About wantin' to do it right this time. And this was the last of the... the shitty surprises.
Oh thank god. [She can't stop the watery, sad, but relieved laugh that leaves her when he says it's the last of the shitty surprises, because their marriage might not survive any more shitty surprises honestly. They need to work through the bumps they already have. She needs to take the advice of that one person, have them work on their troubles together so the trials don't tear them apart.
But they will get through this, even if by her stubborn desire to stay with Marc. Because she doesn't love easily or lightly and she loves this complicated, difficult man with all her heart.]
And I know, I do. I meant it too, us working through all of this, trying again.. not giving up. [Even if part of her wants to hide and deal with these painful emotions like a wild animal licking their wounds. She just needs time.]
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[She can feel tears prickle her eyes some but she is quick to push back against that and continue to channel it into anger. Now what she knows his past, she's doing her best not to yell, to not trigger him with sudden moves or violent actions, but she is mad and there is no hiding that from her voice.]
Jesus Marc, did... did you plan this from the start tonight? Was this all to try and soften the blow or something? [Taking a deep breath, she tempers her voice from rising too, but it was hard.]
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He can't hide from it. He can't do anything defensive. So his hackles go up instead.]
No! God- I just wanted you to have a nice dinner for once! But I still had to tell you! I was always gonna tell you!
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Layla grits her teeth against the anger that she feels. Against the betrayed feeling that she always trusted him never to cheat on her.]
Look, I'm livid, but I'm not mad you told me.. I just.. I--
[Part of her wants to ask about the details. Was a handy enough? Or did he go all the way? Was it something that happened more than once? Did her arrival put a wrench in their love affair?
Actually--]
Was it just the once or did this continue?
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When he responds, his tone of voice is incredulous. And yes, still defensive, because now she's basically asking him whether he committed adultery with a clear head. On more than one occasion. What the fuck-]
Just the once! Why would I let it keep goin'?
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[It was a logical question to her. Nothing was here to stop him but himself and right now she doesn't feel like she can trust him, like she can believe him. God, she wants to, she really really wants to, but it feels like there is always one thing after another after another. What's next, he had a kid with the person he slept with too?
She makes a deeply frustrated noise, tears breaking from her eyes as she moves to stand up and take a few steps away to look away from him.]
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A whirlpool of emotions is swirling. He's angry, because that's not a fair thing to say. He's horrified, because she's just not getting it. He's hurt that Layla could even think that about him in the first place. And then he realizes this isn't the first time. Back in Steven's apartment, she accused him of the same thing. 'Living with someone else'. As if he could ever! He'd rather just die alone. And maybe he should.
He pushes his chair away from the table with a rough, sudden movement. The legs scrape over the floor. And then he stands, glaring her way.]
Oh, that's cute! That's real cute! There wasn't enough to stop you from kissing Steven either, huh?
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First of all! Steven kissed me. Second, you two were in the same body at the time, he's a part of you! He looked like you, smelled like the man I love... and I just.. [Her voice cracks as she tries to ignore the angry tears, tries to ignore the pain--]
And! You were the one trying divorce me! Push me away! You were not acting at all like you wanted to stay married at the time! You're really going to-- [SHe bites back anything else, not wanting to say anything she would regret.]
I didn't sleep with someone else.
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Steven's not me! Alright?! I don't care if we were sharin' a body back then! Steven's a different person! [A better person. Someone Marc can't compete with, because Steven knows about poetry. And hieroglyphs. And Steven would never lie to someone for years on end. If it's between him and Steven, Steven would win and Marc would lose everything. It's that simple.]
I didn't have a choice, okay? There was no option to keep it in my pants and walk away!
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Marc who was pushing her away and trying to divorce her because his secrets and misplaced protectiveness was more important. Because he couldn't trust her.
But he says the choice thing again and she just--
She tries to take a calming breath, tries not to keep her emotions in check because that just sounds like an excuse to her. Someone who's not gone through the trials, who doesn't know just how completely the fox steals away free will, she doesn't understand.]
Then explain it to me! I don't... I'm confused how you were forced to sleep with someone, because that sounds like a shitty excuse.
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It's not an excuse! Why the fuck would I be lookin' for an excuse for somethin' I didn't even want to do? It was a trial! You get zapped by lightning, you need to have sex. That's it- that's how it worked! Ask anybody!
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Fine. I will then. [She pulls out her Relic and opens it, starting to type up a message for the whole of Folkmore to weigh in on, because right now she just doesn't understand it and Marc is doing a poor job of explaining it.]
Hopefully someone can explain this better than you are.
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He pulls away from the table with a loud sniff, then turns to head into the living area.]
Good. Lemme know when you've got someone else to explain 'fuck lightning' in more eloquent words.
[Once he's near the couch, he doesn't stop walking. He just keeps going, opens the balcony door and steps outside. He needs some fresh air. He needs to just sit here and stew, and calm the fuck down, because he just knows that all his hurt and frustration is affecting Steven.]
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Taking a seat in the livingroom, she breathes through her anger, her upset and reads the replies she gets, reads what is said. One answer is less eloquent than the other, but there is one that is very informative and helps her understand better. So it wasn't an excuse or something done really by choice, it was a compelling force. Both people say she is justified in being hurt but shouldn't blame him for what happened.
Part of her still thinks it sounds wild, but other people know, one person recounting their experience for her.
Layla sighs, she's still hurt, still mad, but it feels like the wind has been taken out of her sails. It's probably a good thing she derailed the conversation like this, gave them both ten minutes to calm down, to get information that is better put than anything Marc was offering. She's tired more than anything now.
Looking towards the balcony, Layla sees the man's silhouette out there still, at least Marc didn't leave. The door is still open to out there, so she just speaks up from where she's at.]
I think I understand now.. I know it wasn't your choice to do it.
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He spends the first two minutes pacing up and down the little balcony, then finally drops himself in the chair near the window. Breathe in, breathe out... Don't freak out..... Before he knows it, Layla's calling out to him from inside the apartment.]
No, it wasn't. [And he's pretty sure he already made that clear, but the entire conversation is a blur now. He can't remember what he said anymore.]
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Could they even make it passed this? He didn't do it intentionally, but it still hurt, it still felt like a betrayal.
Walking over to the door to the balcony, she leans against the jamb.]
I kept the post anonymous -- just asked for information, I.. can we talk inside?
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But yeah. Talking about this outside on the balcony is probably not a good idea. Any neighbor could hear. So he pushes himself to his feet and all but slouches over to the door. He's got some trouble meeting Layla's gaze. Even if she doesn't sound as angry anymore, this whole thing is still painful. His arm raises in a silent 'lead the way' sort of gesture.]
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She doesn't know what to say, but leaving this in silence is too much, they need to talk it out.]
I don't think you cheated anymore, I get.. that it wasn't something you chose to do or wanted to do to us and I know--... I believe you when you say it was just the once.
[A pause.]
That doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt... It makes it harder to deal with, because I don't-- I don't know. [Because she doesn't know how to feel about it, she just feels hurt and lost and--.. She's upset and so hurt, but she understands now she can't really be mad at Marc, it wasn't something he did intentionally. But where does she direct this upset at now?]
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... Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's... It sucks. There's been a couple shitty trials, but that was the worst one.
[Almost dying in the desert, he can handle. That's nothing new to him. Story of his life. But that stupid lightning- he can't get that out of his head. It just keeps on rattling around in there, and not in a good way.]
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She heaves a heavy sigh.]
I'm sorry for getting so upset and jumping to conclusions.. [Apologizing was hard for her, but he deserves that much.] I just... I'm new here, I didn't... I don't get how much stuff can happen against your will here.
[She rests her elbows on her knees and hides her face in her hands, just holding there.]
I would like to know who. I just.. I know it's not their fault, they were helping you but.. [It bothers her that she might talk to them without knowing, might become friends with them..] Do they know about me? Us?
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His hands squeeze into one another, and his right thumb rubs along his left index finger. This is another tricky question, but he'd already warned Cobb he would tell Layla everything, so... No holding back.]
Yeah, he knows. I told him. But not till after it already happened, 'cause it never came up before then. [...] It was Cobb.
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Especially since she enjoyed the man's company just the other night.]
I met him the other night.. seemed nice. Not surprised he helped you..
[Her tone is a little flat, a lot hurt. It puts a face on it, but it doesn't give her anything to be upset at, with. It would be a lie to say she was anything but distraught right now. She's still so mad, so upset, but Marc doesn't deserve that anger and she has nothing to take it out on.
It makes her want to run away, just like when she was mad about her dad's murder and had nothing and no one to take it out on so she ran from Cairo. Ran until she found Marc's arms... but now she can't even run into those.]
I don't know what to do.
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He draws in a deep breath, then finally looks up at her again.]
Let it sink in, I guess...? I dunno what else there is to do.
[Because he doesn't expect her to act as if this never happened. Even though the choice was taken away from him, that's not how this works.]
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Still hiding her face in her hands, she takes a shuddery breath as she just finds herself tearing up again. Finds herself on the verge of crying once more. This pain and anger was excruciating and she had nowhere to outlet it. She's mad at the fox but that's like when she was mad at God for taking away her father, it felt useless. She felt useless.]
Yeah.. I think, I'll take a shower and go to bed. [A pause.] I do.. appreciate you being honest with me. [It would have ruined their marriage completely for her to learn it any other way.]
I don't hate you or want a divorce, but I need time.. and space.
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Yeah, okay. Sure. [A pause, and then:] For what it's worth, I did mean it. About wantin' to do it right this time. And this was the last of the... the shitty surprises.
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But they will get through this, even if by her stubborn desire to stay with Marc. Because she doesn't love easily or lightly and she loves this complicated, difficult man with all her heart.]
And I know, I do. I meant it too, us working through all of this, trying again.. not giving up. [Even if part of her wants to hide and deal with these painful emotions like a wild animal licking their wounds. She just needs time.]
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