I will. [She pauses and makes the post anonymous, not for her sake really, it's an innocent enough question from someone new, but for Marc's because there are people that know they are married and might put two and two together. He's a private man and she doesn't want to break his confidence anymore than she already has.
Taking a seat in the livingroom, she breathes through her anger, her upset and reads the replies she gets, reads what is said. One answer is less eloquent than the other, but there is one that is very informative and helps her understand better. So it wasn't an excuse or something done really by choice, it was a compelling force. Both people say she is justified in being hurt but shouldn't blame him for what happened.
Part of her still thinks it sounds wild, but other people know, one person recounting their experience for her.
Layla sighs, she's still hurt, still mad, but it feels like the wind has been taken out of her sails. It's probably a good thing she derailed the conversation like this, gave them both ten minutes to calm down, to get information that is better put than anything Marc was offering. She's tired more than anything now.
Looking towards the balcony, Layla sees the man's silhouette out there still, at least Marc didn't leave. The door is still open to out there, so she just speaks up from where she's at.]
I think I understand now.. I know it wasn't your choice to do it.
[It would've been easy enough for Marc to grab his own relic and check on the message that just went up. To see just how much Layla said- or didn't say- and how many other people are still entertaining bad memories of the lightning. He's not sure he wants to see that, though. If it rubs him the wrong way, it'll just sour his mood further, so he can't risk it. He's just going to have to trust that nobody's saying anything weird, or telling Layla it was his fault.
He spends the first two minutes pacing up and down the little balcony, then finally drops himself in the chair near the window. Breathe in, breathe out... Don't freak out..... Before he knows it, Layla's calling out to him from inside the apartment.]
No, it wasn't. [And he's pretty sure he already made that clear, but the entire conversation is a blur now. He can't remember what he said anymore.]
[She sighs heavily, hearing that he's still upset. Honestly, she is too, but they need to talk this over and it doesn't seem he's coming back inside eventhough she basically called out to him. Standing up from where she was seated, she feels exhausted and distressed, like her life is falling apart and she is trying to put things back together but her hands are too weak. She was still trying to be okay with her Father's death, still trying to be okay with all the secrets and lies and then this..
Could they even make it passed this? He didn't do it intentionally, but it still hurt, it still felt like a betrayal.
Walking over to the door to the balcony, she leans against the jamb.]
I kept the post anonymous -- just asked for information, I.. can we talk inside?
[There's a long moment of silence where he looks up towards the sky, where Epiphany's typical gray clouds are gathering. It might rain again soon. That could make the feelings even worse. For now, the air feels nice, though. Pleasant against his bare skin.
But yeah. Talking about this outside on the balcony is probably not a good idea. Any neighbor could hear. So he pushes himself to his feet and all but slouches over to the door. He's got some trouble meeting Layla's gaze. Even if she doesn't sound as angry anymore, this whole thing is still painful. His arm raises in a silent 'lead the way' sort of gesture.]
[With a nod, she leads the way, stepping away from the door and over to the chair. Normally, she might sit on the couch where they can touch, but right now she doesn't feel like being touched so she sits in the chair in the living space, leaving him with the couch, if he wants to sit.
She doesn't know what to say, but leaving this in silence is too much, they need to talk it out.]
I don't think you cheated anymore, I get.. that it wasn't something you chose to do or wanted to do to us and I know--... I believe you when you say it was just the once.
[A pause.]
That doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt... It makes it harder to deal with, because I don't-- I don't know. [Because she doesn't know how to feel about it, she just feels hurt and lost and--.. She's upset and so hurt, but she understands now she can't really be mad at Marc, it wasn't something he did intentionally. But where does she direct this upset at now?]
[Marc wanders over to the couch, but doesn't immediately sit. There's this instinct telling him that maybe he should stand, just in case he needs to leave again. Running is easier when you're already on your feet. He shouldn't be running though, he knows that. So ultimately, he does sit, hands folded together atop his legs.]
... Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's... It sucks. There's been a couple shitty trials, but that was the worst one.
[Almost dying in the desert, he can handle. That's nothing new to him. Story of his life. But that stupid lightning- he can't get that out of his head. It just keeps on rattling around in there, and not in a good way.]
[It's a little consolation that he finds the trial that made him have sex with someone the worst one, it reassures her some. He's suffering too, she understands that now. This wasn't some pleasant memory of getting his rocks off for the first time in months, there are so many men that would feel that way, but Marc..
She heaves a heavy sigh.]
I'm sorry for getting so upset and jumping to conclusions.. [Apologizing was hard for her, but he deserves that much.] I just... I'm new here, I didn't... I don't get how much stuff can happen against your will here.
[She rests her elbows on her knees and hides her face in her hands, just holding there.]
I would like to know who. I just.. I know it's not their fault, they were helping you but.. [It bothers her that she might talk to them without knowing, might become friends with them..] Do they know about me? Us?
[She's apologizing, and that should make him feel better, but... It doesn't. It just makes him feel worse, because she couldn't know how bad that fuck lightning thing was without living through it. And she should be upset if the mistaken take-away is that Marc cheated on her. She was right to be angry, but boy did it sting.
His hands squeeze into one another, and his right thumb rubs along his left index finger. This is another tricky question, but he'd already warned Cobb he would tell Layla everything, so... No holding back.]
Yeah, he knows. I told him. But not till after it already happened, 'cause it never came up before then. [...] It was Cobb.
[That shouldn't surprise her, but he does. She never thought of Marc as bisexual, but if he is that makes no difference to her. Maybe it was the fuck lightning that made it like that, but either way, it doesn't make a difference. Male or female or nonbinary, it's still someone outside their marriage and it still stings harshly.
Especially since she enjoyed the man's company just the other night.]
I met him the other night.. seemed nice. Not surprised he helped you..
[Her tone is a little flat, a lot hurt. It puts a face on it, but it doesn't give her anything to be upset at, with. It would be a lie to say she was anything but distraught right now. She's still so mad, so upset, but Marc doesn't deserve that anger and she has nothing to take it out on.
It makes her want to run away, just like when she was mad about her dad's murder and had nothing and no one to take it out on so she ran from Cairo. Ran until she found Marc's arms... but now she can't even run into those.]
[Marc didn't think of Marc as bisexual. Even now, after all that, he still doesn't. In the heat of the moment, Cobb looked attractive and desirable and all those things that could get a person riled up. Afterwards, he looked... Well, still attractive in the universal sense, but not attractive to Marc. Other people would be lucky to have him.
He draws in a deep breath, then finally looks up at her again.]
Let it sink in, I guess...? I dunno what else there is to do.
[Because he doesn't expect her to act as if this never happened. Even though the choice was taken away from him, that's not how this works.]
[She guesses that's about all she can do. Let it sink in, try to find an outlet for her emotions. Because she wants to be mad at Marc but can't be. He's not at fault here, not really. There wasn't much to say at this point. What more was there to say?
Still hiding her face in her hands, she takes a shuddery breath as she just finds herself tearing up again. Finds herself on the verge of crying once more. This pain and anger was excruciating and she had nowhere to outlet it. She's mad at the fox but that's like when she was mad at God for taking away her father, it felt useless. She felt useless.]
Yeah.. I think, I'll take a shower and go to bed. [A pause.] I do.. appreciate you being honest with me. [It would have ruined their marriage completely for her to learn it any other way.]
I don't hate you or want a divorce, but I need time.. and space.
[Marc nods his head vaguely. It's not like Layla hadn't already been taking time to process all the other shit that he's dumped on her recently. Now it's just going to take even longer, he supposes. Or maybe she'll never work through it. Hell if he knows. This is why he thinks she could do better- because all he does is make her miserable, whether it's through conscious decisions or just really rotten luck.]
Yeah, okay. Sure. [A pause, and then:] For what it's worth, I did mean it. About wantin' to do it right this time. And this was the last of the... the shitty surprises.
Oh thank god. [She can't stop the watery, sad, but relieved laugh that leaves her when he says it's the last of the shitty surprises, because their marriage might not survive any more shitty surprises honestly. They need to work through the bumps they already have. She needs to take the advice of that one person, have them work on their troubles together so the trials don't tear them apart.
But they will get through this, even if by her stubborn desire to stay with Marc. Because she doesn't love easily or lightly and she loves this complicated, difficult man with all her heart.]
And I know, I do. I meant it too, us working through all of this, trying again.. not giving up. [Even if part of her wants to hide and deal with these painful emotions like a wild animal licking their wounds. She just needs time.]
[In all honesty, it took Marc a little while to run everything through his head and be sure this was everything. But he told her everything about Bushman, about her father's death, about Randall, about the reason he went to Chicago shortly before sending those divorce papers... Yeah. That was everything. If there's even more, it's not coming to him.
He's still amazed she hasn't given up on him. Grateful, but amazed. He's used to being abandoned for far less.]
Okay... Thanks. [.....] I'll do the dishes. Make sure everything's cleaned up before Steven gets home.
[She nods, moving to stand and moves towards the bathroom, though she stops, lingering at the door for a second. There is so much she could say, so much she doesn't know how to put into words, so much that are just wordless, but she knows she doesn't want to walk away without acknowledging her own fault in what she's done.
It's obviously something that bothered him enough to bring it up and even though he's not apologized to her really for all this, she isn't gonna let that stop her. Apologizing his hard for her, but she lingers against the jamb for a moment, before sighing heavily.]
Sorry.. for kissing Steven. [There. She won't give excuses or reasons, just apologize for her part in what happened.]
[He was already getting up himself, more than ready to start gathering up plates and glasses, and anything else that needs washing. It'll keep him busy, keep his mind focused on something else. Hopefully. But he wasn't expecting her to pause by the doorway, so he stops in his own tracks and looks her way before she even speaks.
... Fuck. He made such a mistake, blurting that out. He shouldn't have said anything about it. Fuck-]
No. Don't...- It's okay. I shouldn't have... thrown that back in your face. Sorry.
[The sentiment itself still stands, though. Even with the divorce, even with the fact that Steven is technically part of him, it bugs him. And maybe if they'd still been home, as they're meant to be, it would've been easier to work through all this. Not now, though. Not when Steven has his own body and the chance to live a life that's more separate from Marc.]
No, you shouldn't have but.. [She shakes her head with a shrug, something as if to say 'what's done is done.' Still she just gives a sigh and looks at him for a long moment, eyes teary, face lined with grief and other emotions.
Again, her mind is a whirl of things to say, things without words, things she doesn't want to say. But instead she lets the silence hang as she steps into the bathroom and shuts the door to take a very long shower. If he comes close enough to the door, he might hear her crying as she sits on the floor of the shower and just sobs to try and rid herself of all these emotions that have no outlet, that just sit heavy in her chest and make it hard to breathe.
When the water starts to run cold, she will finally leave the shower and just go straight to her room, Marc's room, and go to bed. Though sleep won't find her for a long time.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Taking a seat in the livingroom, she breathes through her anger, her upset and reads the replies she gets, reads what is said. One answer is less eloquent than the other, but there is one that is very informative and helps her understand better. So it wasn't an excuse or something done really by choice, it was a compelling force. Both people say she is justified in being hurt but shouldn't blame him for what happened.
Part of her still thinks it sounds wild, but other people know, one person recounting their experience for her.
Layla sighs, she's still hurt, still mad, but it feels like the wind has been taken out of her sails. It's probably a good thing she derailed the conversation like this, gave them both ten minutes to calm down, to get information that is better put than anything Marc was offering. She's tired more than anything now.
Looking towards the balcony, Layla sees the man's silhouette out there still, at least Marc didn't leave. The door is still open to out there, so she just speaks up from where she's at.]
I think I understand now.. I know it wasn't your choice to do it.
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He spends the first two minutes pacing up and down the little balcony, then finally drops himself in the chair near the window. Breathe in, breathe out... Don't freak out..... Before he knows it, Layla's calling out to him from inside the apartment.]
No, it wasn't. [And he's pretty sure he already made that clear, but the entire conversation is a blur now. He can't remember what he said anymore.]
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Could they even make it passed this? He didn't do it intentionally, but it still hurt, it still felt like a betrayal.
Walking over to the door to the balcony, she leans against the jamb.]
I kept the post anonymous -- just asked for information, I.. can we talk inside?
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But yeah. Talking about this outside on the balcony is probably not a good idea. Any neighbor could hear. So he pushes himself to his feet and all but slouches over to the door. He's got some trouble meeting Layla's gaze. Even if she doesn't sound as angry anymore, this whole thing is still painful. His arm raises in a silent 'lead the way' sort of gesture.]
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She doesn't know what to say, but leaving this in silence is too much, they need to talk it out.]
I don't think you cheated anymore, I get.. that it wasn't something you chose to do or wanted to do to us and I know--... I believe you when you say it was just the once.
[A pause.]
That doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt... It makes it harder to deal with, because I don't-- I don't know. [Because she doesn't know how to feel about it, she just feels hurt and lost and--.. She's upset and so hurt, but she understands now she can't really be mad at Marc, it wasn't something he did intentionally. But where does she direct this upset at now?]
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... Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's... It sucks. There's been a couple shitty trials, but that was the worst one.
[Almost dying in the desert, he can handle. That's nothing new to him. Story of his life. But that stupid lightning- he can't get that out of his head. It just keeps on rattling around in there, and not in a good way.]
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She heaves a heavy sigh.]
I'm sorry for getting so upset and jumping to conclusions.. [Apologizing was hard for her, but he deserves that much.] I just... I'm new here, I didn't... I don't get how much stuff can happen against your will here.
[She rests her elbows on her knees and hides her face in her hands, just holding there.]
I would like to know who. I just.. I know it's not their fault, they were helping you but.. [It bothers her that she might talk to them without knowing, might become friends with them..] Do they know about me? Us?
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His hands squeeze into one another, and his right thumb rubs along his left index finger. This is another tricky question, but he'd already warned Cobb he would tell Layla everything, so... No holding back.]
Yeah, he knows. I told him. But not till after it already happened, 'cause it never came up before then. [...] It was Cobb.
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Especially since she enjoyed the man's company just the other night.]
I met him the other night.. seemed nice. Not surprised he helped you..
[Her tone is a little flat, a lot hurt. It puts a face on it, but it doesn't give her anything to be upset at, with. It would be a lie to say she was anything but distraught right now. She's still so mad, so upset, but Marc doesn't deserve that anger and she has nothing to take it out on.
It makes her want to run away, just like when she was mad about her dad's murder and had nothing and no one to take it out on so she ran from Cairo. Ran until she found Marc's arms... but now she can't even run into those.]
I don't know what to do.
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He draws in a deep breath, then finally looks up at her again.]
Let it sink in, I guess...? I dunno what else there is to do.
[Because he doesn't expect her to act as if this never happened. Even though the choice was taken away from him, that's not how this works.]
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Still hiding her face in her hands, she takes a shuddery breath as she just finds herself tearing up again. Finds herself on the verge of crying once more. This pain and anger was excruciating and she had nowhere to outlet it. She's mad at the fox but that's like when she was mad at God for taking away her father, it felt useless. She felt useless.]
Yeah.. I think, I'll take a shower and go to bed. [A pause.] I do.. appreciate you being honest with me. [It would have ruined their marriage completely for her to learn it any other way.]
I don't hate you or want a divorce, but I need time.. and space.
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Yeah, okay. Sure. [A pause, and then:] For what it's worth, I did mean it. About wantin' to do it right this time. And this was the last of the... the shitty surprises.
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But they will get through this, even if by her stubborn desire to stay with Marc. Because she doesn't love easily or lightly and she loves this complicated, difficult man with all her heart.]
And I know, I do. I meant it too, us working through all of this, trying again.. not giving up. [Even if part of her wants to hide and deal with these painful emotions like a wild animal licking their wounds. She just needs time.]
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He's still amazed she hasn't given up on him. Grateful, but amazed. He's used to being abandoned for far less.]
Okay... Thanks. [.....] I'll do the dishes. Make sure everything's cleaned up before Steven gets home.
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It's obviously something that bothered him enough to bring it up and even though he's not apologized to her really for all this, she isn't gonna let that stop her. Apologizing his hard for her, but she lingers against the jamb for a moment, before sighing heavily.]
Sorry.. for kissing Steven. [There. She won't give excuses or reasons, just apologize for her part in what happened.]
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... Fuck. He made such a mistake, blurting that out. He shouldn't have said anything about it. Fuck-]
No. Don't...- It's okay. I shouldn't have... thrown that back in your face. Sorry.
[The sentiment itself still stands, though. Even with the divorce, even with the fact that Steven is technically part of him, it bugs him. And maybe if they'd still been home, as they're meant to be, it would've been easier to work through all this. Not now, though. Not when Steven has his own body and the chance to live a life that's more separate from Marc.]
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Again, her mind is a whirl of things to say, things without words, things she doesn't want to say. But instead she lets the silence hang as she steps into the bathroom and shuts the door to take a very long shower. If he comes close enough to the door, he might hear her crying as she sits on the floor of the shower and just sobs to try and rid herself of all these emotions that have no outlet, that just sit heavy in her chest and make it hard to breathe.
When the water starts to run cold, she will finally leave the shower and just go straight to her room, Marc's room, and go to bed. Though sleep won't find her for a long time.]